L. M. Kilty
At the age of ten, I met Lola. At fourteen, I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. At fifteen, I was admitted to the first of two inpatient hospitals and realised Lola wasn’t a friend. For years, she felt like my first true companion, my comfort, my guardian angel. She offered control when life felt uncontrollable, and a sense of success when everything else felt like failure. But what seemed like a lifeline soon became a cage that trapped my soul.Losing Lola is my account of living with anorexia nervosa and the long, difficult recovery after. Written with raw honesty and dark humour, this memoir takes readers inside an eating disorder’s hidden world and shows the reality of inpatient units where young people are sent to heal.I recount daily routines, odd rules, relationships with staff and patients, and the exhausting negotiations around every bite. I reflect on moments of despair-self-harm, feeding tubes, suicidal thoughts-alongside surprising hope: school, true friends, and laughter in unlikely places.At its core, this is not a clinical account but a human one. I speak openly about how anorexia fractured relationships with my family, distanced me from friendships and threatened my future, while also exploring ways in which staff and services failed to provide the understanding and trust I so desperately needed.My story highlights a painful truth: you can’t support someone with an eating disorder unless they trust you and trust only comes when they feel truly understood.But despite all this, Losing Lola is not just about suffering; it’s also about survival. Over time, I describe the turning points that slowly drew me towards life: the realisation that Lola was not the friend I thought she was, the rediscovery of my love for sports, the independence of living alone, and the joy of simple acts like cooking, baking, and painting.Now, seven years on from my diagnosis, I write from the other side. Recovery is not linear, not clear and never the same for everyone. There are dips, setbacks and dark days, but there is also growth, laughter and a wide world beyond my eating disorder. My message is not that everything becomes perfect but merely that life becomes possible and gradually becomes worth living.Losing Lola is a book for anyone who has lived with an eating disorder, anyone who loves someone who has one and anyone who wants to better understand what recovery truly means. It is a reminder that while life is complicated and painful, it does not have to stay that way. At its heart, this memoir is about reclaiming identity, rebuilding trust and learning that even in the darkest season, survival itself is a victory.
